"If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter." George WashingtonWelcome to the Slaughterhouse, America!!
by Nicholas Meyeres
Few times has a
complete stranger so deeply and profoundly touched my life that upon word of
their passing I am left with overwhelming sadness and regret for not knowing
who they truly were. Such a person was Robin Williams, and now I- like so many
other people- feel that a part of me is missing. A part none of us will ever
get back again.
I may not have known you, Robin, but I feel that you knew me.
You knew when I needed a good cry. You could make my belly shake until my side ached from laughter. You showed me how to think about life in a way that no one else could-- unique and fresh. You were a good friend to me even though our paths never crossed.
Whenever I heard Robin Williams was doing an interview, or when he was on tv, or in a movie I was excited like a child the night before Christmas. I knew at some point during that short period of time I would be allowed to step completely outside of myself, and let the sorrows I felt in my own life go. Unfortunately, no one could do the same for him.
His manic energy
and infectious laughter and smile shook me to my core. Yet, few actors could go
to that quiet, small place with their craft, shed the frenzied intensity, and
make you believe with all your heart like he could. Robin couldn't turn off the
emotional spigot within himself. He was either a sun or a moon. Very rarely was
he anything in-between. Yet, that is what made him so brilliant, and so sad.
I can't say I fully understand depression, addiction or suicide because I have never struggled with any of the above. In fact, I have only ever known one person close to me who ended their own life, and it still confounds and haunts me today. Why would anyone choose death when life is filled with such joy, happiness, beauty, and wonder?
But in that very
question lies the answer.
In the mind of
depression lies that same desire for joy, happiness, beauty, and wonder, but
somehow it's like a distant memory. It's an abstract cloud in the sky that’s
always out of reach. It’s tons of ocean water crashing down around you where
you can never quite reach the surface no matter how hard you try. The depth of
the world's woes far outweigh the positive influences surrounding them in the
world of addiction. To these people, the bottle or the pill is a release from
pain, and frighteningly, suicide is ever an option.
Ending a life
would be an absolute last resort for me. Maybe it would never be one for
another person. To people who suffer from severe depression, perhaps they feel
it is their only recourse. But rest assured, it is not.
Life is about
making choices, and it is what separates us from the animals. Those choices
define who we are- right or wrong- and we must always endeavor to find ways to
make the proper ones for us, and those around us. Sadly, most people seem to
recall the few times when we turned left instead of right in life, and not the
many times we moved forward without stumbling.
The old adage
goes "we all make mistakes." Unfortunately, some of us make big
mistakes often, but that doesn't stop us from trying our best to be the best we
can be in life. I just wish I could wave a magic wand, and have everyone say to
themselves without question: "I like me today, and I can't wait to be an
even better me tomorrow." After all, we are not the men we are because of
the mistakes we have made in life; we are the men we are because it is who we
choose to be, not who we have become.
Death as an abstract thought is a very selfish business, and a business no one likes to ever invest in. When someone passes on we say out loud, "I can't believe this person is gone", or question "why did this person have to die?" But what we really mean to say is, "We did YOU leave ME?"
However, suicide
is not the same.
A person
determined to end their lives doesn't think in the same rational way we do as
evidenced by the many suicide notes and letters left behind. They don't seem to
be thinking about the wake they leave, but instead what they can do to mitigate
the pain of others. Robin Williams likely didn't say before he left "I am
leaving you because the world is too
hard", but rather "I am leaving because it will make your life
easier." If anything that is the opposite of selfishness.
Robin Williams
said in a movie back in 2009, “I used to think that the worst thing in life was
to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people
who make you feel all alone.
I am sure Robin loved his family, and never felt alone in their presence, but could they truly empathize with his many struggles and hardships? Could any of us, even someone who suffered like he did? We are all individuals, and we all walk a different path. No one was in Robin's head but Robin, and no one will ever know what his last thoughts were. But do we even need to?
It is true, most
people choose not to remember the many times we move forward without stumbling.
I choose to remember Robin Williams, not as an addict who ended his own life,
but as a friend who brought joy to mine many times over. I choose to surround
myself with people and things that make me happy and whole, not with those who
only wish to drain me, and tear me down.
Don’t let the
worst thing in your life end up being with people who make you feel all alone-
including you.
