Welcome to the Slaughterhouse: The Sun is really, REALLY hot!

"If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter." George Washington

Welcome to the Slaughterhouse, America!!

By Nicholas Meyeres

Long ago in a far off land, kings and queens were mostly advised by wizards, star-gazers, flim-flam men and frauds. It is generally believed that these old school Harry Potters would feed on the leaders’ own fears and closed-minded views of the way the world was presented to them- and to that end, these people would prey on entire societies by using the false superstitious beliefs of all involved.



Of course, with the advent of science, these snake oil salesmen all went the way of the Dodo, right? Oh ye’ of little brain power: in the words of that creepy little girl from Poltergeist— “They’re heeeeeeeeeeerrreeeee.” Or more accurately, “They're back!” This time, though, they are no longer cloaked in the dark veil of mysticism and magics, but by the very essence of science itself.

A vocal minority of the scientific community, with the help of unqualified outsiders (Al Gore anyone!), has persuaded many politicians to pursue plans that would be economically devastating to the entire world. And the fear mongering this time centers not on a flat world or falling stars, but rather, around global warming and the end of days.

But are they all lies this time around? Of course not. The best lies contain at least some measure of truth in them. Yes, carbon dioxide in the air has increased in the last century due to the use of fossil fuels. Yes, the global average temperature has increased 0.8 degrees F in the same century. Unfortunately, the temperature increase came first: most of the temperature increase was before 1940, and most of the new carbon dioxide was added after 1960. Would you trust a "scientist" who said the result came before the cause? I think not.

And then, there’s this little bit of oddness: Jupiter is growing a new red spot.



Little is known about how storms form on the giant planet. They are often described as behaving similar to hurricanes right here on Earth. The latest images could provide evidence that Jupiter is in the midst of a global change that can modify temperatures by as much as 10 degrees Fahrenheit on different parts of its globe. But how is that if there are no cars, or people on Jupiter? Isn’t global warming man-made???

After all, most scientists now fear that the massive amount of carbon dioxide humans are pumping into the air will lead to a catastrophic rise in Earth's temperatures, dramatically raising sea levels as glaciers melt and leading to extreme weather worldwide. So then, how do you explain Jupiter? Or Mars for that matter?

Simultaneous warming on Earth and Mars suggests that our planet's recent climate changes have a natural— and not a human-induced—cause, according to many scientists' theories. But Mars seems to be melting more rapidly than ever before. So, are the Martians and their not-so-eco-friendly rockets ships to blame on the Red Planet?



Many scientists believe that changes in the sun's heat output can account for almost all the climate changes we see on all three planets. Gee. Go figure that. The sun may be mostly to blame for heating things up in our ENTIRE solar system…. The really, really HOT sun.

So, to all you cheats, fakes, fast-shuffle artists, imposters, phonies, pretenders, quacks, shams, and fear-mongers: This isn’t the dark ages anymore, and we’re smarter than you give us credit for… well, most of us are… ok, so not all of us…. alright, Conservatives mainly. Anyway, my point is, do your own research and don’t just take my word for it. After all, I may be wrong… though, not very likely.